The following is excerpted from Sarina Auriel’s upcoming book entitled “The Art Of Advocacy: a guide for parents and adults who care for children with special needs.” Sarina Auriel has her MA in Integrated Special Education and Health and is in private practice in Vancouver.
If we are to have harmony within ourselves to pass on to our families, we need to first look at removing the potency of two opposing forces or powers in our lives the potency of words like good and bad, and even right and wrong. You need to really sink into the awareness and belief of one power, the power of love, healing, and harmony. When I ask parents what they feel is the strongest power they have with their children, they usually tell me love. They feel that love has helped them to understand and move with their children’s various needs. It has also helped to motivate their children to try the various therapeutic modalities that these parents had provided. Love. A simple four-letter word with the greatest impact. We need to acknowledge this vast power, and learn to actually vibrate with it, rather than vibrating with the misguided power of judgment. If you can do this, you will begin to see that a particular social worker who just turned you down is not an evil or stupid person. They are just a person living outside this vibration of love. Love carries with it a vibration of creativity, abundance, and infinite possibility.
If you can honestly get to a point where you can say that this person literally is not living in a capacity of being able to know what they are doing, you do not feel anger but love’s compassion for them. This compassion will then be allowed to overflow into how you deal with yourself and those you love. This does not mean that you stop writing the letter that seeks to overturn their decision. What it does mean is that your body does not close down with anger and so all your creative channels can remain open and working at their maximum potential towards the goal that you have set for your advocacy. It also means that you can walk around with a smile on your face and love in your heart for your child and family, and not wither away in angry bitterness.
This fear is very pervasive among parents who have children with special needs. Fear that we can’t provide what is needed for our child, without this help that we are seeking, fear for our child’s safety and wellbeing, fear of not knowing what will happen to our child if they do not receive the kind of therapy they need for their improvement, fear of our child being abused, fear of our child being institutionalized, fear for our child should something happen to us or we should die. I could go on and on. Although worry also co-exists with this type of fear, it is the fear itself that is the most debilitating. It is the fear that stems from seeing the world as a place where there is a finite amount of resources and support. It is a fear that stems from a lack of trust and faith in the power of love which is infinite. When you are able to step back and realize that your source for creativity, support and care are infinite, you can approach advocacy from a much different place. You also find that without this fear, anger itself begins to slip away. There is also a feeling of hurt and pain that goes along with perceiving a world made up of opposing forces or dualities. But this too can lose its potency as a reality if you stay with truth. You can do this by acknowledging in your heart, that these people who seem to be placing obstacles in your way really do not know what they are doing. Without judging them as ignorant you recognize that they sit in a closed vibrational space in a closed room and in a closed system. They are literally blind. By seeing the truth of their blindness there is no more hurt because nothing they do is personally directed at you. They are blind and therefore they see you not.
When we emotionally commit to a vibration of hurt, anger, and fear we attract it. It is the basic principle of attraction. If you are afraid that you will not be supported, chances are that this is exactly what will happen. But if you sit in a vibration of support, opening to the possibility that you have infinite sources of support and then begin to vibrate with the vibration of support, it will not take long before you will be able to look around and recognize the many places you are receiving support and the many people who are helping to support you. You may even begin to see how your own child who has special needs is supporting you. I make it part of my nightly routine to go over my day and see the ways that I was supported. A few weeks ago my son came up to me and asked if I could teach him how to unload the dishwasher so that he could help me more. I believe in my heart that no amount of behavioural therapy would have brought him to that point. The ability for me to hold the vibration of support enabled this to happen in my home.
It may still be that you need to advocate actively for a specific kind of support but when you can vibrate the energy of support and hold fast to it those previously thought of hard nuts to crack, may indeed begin to crack with less pressure needed. It may be that someone does not pursue writing a follow-up letter to you and thereby paves the way for you to go above their heads. Be prepared for support to come to you in diverse and mysterious ways.
By: Sarina Auriel MA CVT RYT